


A Fault in my Code

by Sgt_Pepperony94



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Shippy Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:50:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sgt_Pepperony94/pseuds/Sgt_Pepperony94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wanda begins to behave erratically, and while everyone assumes it is part of her grieving process, Steve begins to think there is another cause for her manic behaviour. T. Themes of mental illness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fault in my Code

**Author's Note:**

> Title: A Fault in my Code  
> Author: Sgt. Pepperony  
> Fandom: Avengers (MCU)  
> Pairings: Steve/Wanda  
> Rating: T  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers, characters. Property of Marvel and Disney. Trigger warnings for mental health depictions, mentions of past ‘cures’ for mental illness and suicide attempts. Title and lyrics from Halsey’s ‘Gasoline’.

_And all the people say,_  
_"You can't wake up, this is not a dream._  
_You're part of a machine, you are not a human being._  
_With your face all made up, living on a screen,_  
_Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline."_  
_I think there's a fault in my code;_  
_These voices won't leave me alone._

The poster was staring at her, Wanda concluded. The billboard poster that resided across from the Avengers Tower was for a video game known as _Deprivation_ and it only had two bright eyes as the image. Wanda felt the eyes were following her specifically. She could not figure the reason why they would be looking at her, but nevertheless they were following her.

Wanda was snapped out of her thoughts when she was presented with a plate of barbecued meat. She looked at the plate and then at the man presenting it to her. “I thought that you could try a bit of everything,” Steve explained. Wanda took the plate and nibbled on the chicken drumstick. “You okay?”

“I wish people would stop asking me that,” she replied softly. Since Pietro’s death, the first thing people would ask her is if she was okay. It was fine at first, as it showed that they at least cared but after a while it was as though she was being treated like a ticking time bomb. “This is good.”

“You seem interested in that poster.”

“I feel like it’s following me.”

Steve looked at the poster and squinted. The only thing he could gleam from the poster was the eyes. “It’s the eyes. Don’t think about it. It’s just a poster.”

“Right. Just a poster.”

Steve walked back to join the group and Wanda followed, her head looking back at the poster.

-o-

That night, Wanda could not sleep but not due to any form of nightmare, but rather that she was feeling happy. She had so many ideas in her head that she had to get them out. The first was moving the furniture around in not only her room but also the lounge. She moved the bed to the other side of the room, the dresser to where the bed was and once she was satisfied with the bedroom she began moving the sofas around the lounge.

Her next idea was to make breakfast. Wanda was cooking fried eggs and making bread when people started arriving. Much to their confusion, she was overly chipper and excitable.

“Eat up everyone or it will go cold,” Wanda instructed with a smile. Steve and Natasha looked at one another in confusion at the sudden change in Wanda’s mood. They ate the eggs but kept a close eye on her.

At that point, Tony came storming in and yelled, “Who the hell moved the couches around?”

“I did,” Wanda confessed without any sign of guilt or understanding of what the problem was.

"Why?"

“I felt like they would be better away from the sunlight. The rays are causing the colour to fade.”

“Wait, were you moving furniture around in your room?” Natasha asked.

"Yes."

“Wanda have you actually slept?”

“Who needs sleep when you have so many good ideas in your head?”

The timer went off, and Wanda took out pumpernickel bread from the oven. Tony looked at her completely aghast, Natasha was very taken aback by Wanda’s bizarre behaviour, and there was something in Steve’s head that knew something was not right with Wanda.

Later that day, Wanda went clothes shopping on her own. Given she was practically a refugee, Tony offered his credit card for her to get some new clothes, yet she never gave it back. She already had bought a load of clothes when she arrived in the US, but Wanda felt as though she needed more. When she arrived back at the Tower with at least three shopping bags in each hand, Tony went absolutely ballistic at her.

"THAT CARD WAS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY! GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“I needed more clothes,” Wanda replied quietly.

"No you did not need more clothes!”

"Tony that's enough," Pepper said. "Wanda, why don’t you take those clothes down to your room and I’ll be down to speak to you in a moment?” Wanda nodded and went to go to her bedroom. Pepper turned to Tony and shook her head. “I know you’re angry right now but there was no need to go off the handle like that.”

“There is a basic lack of respect. She moved the living room around last night. I know she lost her brother but this is just disrespecting the charity I gave her.”

“To be fair Tony, you were hardly on the rails when your parents died. You calm down, I’ll go talk to her.” Pepper went down to Wanda's floor and was stunned to see the amount of clothes that Wanda was taking out the paper bags. Some of the clothes were particularly revealing. “This is a lot of clothes.”

“I needed something to wear tonight,” Wanda replied, her speech rather rapid.

“What’s happening tonight?”

“I’m going dancing.”

“Sweetie, listen, are you sure you are okay? You’ve been acting odd all day.”

“I’m fine. Honestly. I just need to have one night where I don’t think about Pietro, where I can just be a normal girl.”

“Okay, but Natasha and I are coming with you.”

Wanda nodded and Pepper left. Once she was sure she was alone, Wanda checked out the window. The poster was there, staring back at her. Wanda quickly closed the curtains.

-o-

“I don’t get it, yesterday she was in a normal mood but now she’s completely erratic,” Pepper commented as she and Natasha watched a dancing Wanda from the bar.

“I guess this is what they call a hidden stage of grief. Sometimes people try to overcompensate by behaving irrationally or impulsively,” Natasha replied. “Or, this is something more serious and she’s going to self-destruct.”

“I suppose that we should keep extra tabs on her.”

“That may be easier said than done.”

On the dance floor, Wanda felt the music pulsing through her. Her nerves felt as though they were alight and her pulse was racing. So many thoughts were flooding her head and she found herself breathing heavier.

“Wanda,” a whisper said and Wanda looked around for the source. “Wanda.”

She went further into the crowd to find the voice. She felt the room spin and she suddenly felt as though she was going to suffocate. She started panting heavily before she saw a distorted ghostly figure looking at her. She screamed. Around Wanda, everyone stopped dancing and looked at her.

“Outta the way,” Natasha shouted as she pushed through the crowd to find Wanda sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped her knees and rocking. “Wanda, come on, let’s get you some air.”

Natasha lifted Wanda up and took her out the club to the front. Pepper followed them out looking worried at the clearly distressed young woman. Wanda was shaking and pushing Natasha away.

"Wanda, what happened in there?” Natasha asked.

“I saw Pietro.”

-o-

Wanda woke panting and sweating. Her experience in the club had sent her head spinning. In the taxi home, she had whispered that is was not possible for her to see Pietro. She knew he was buried in the ground and that he was one hundred percent dead. Yet, she saw him. He spoke to her.

She got out of bed and stumbled over to the window. Those eyes were still there and all she wanted to do was get rid of them. Wanda closed the curtains and decided to see who was in the kitchen. When she arrived, the room went silent. Natasha looked at her unsure of what to say, while Pepper was unsure whether she should ask if Wanda was okay, while Steve and Tony looked to have heard what happened.

“Can I speak with Wanda alone guys?” Steve asked. The other three left the room and Wanda looked at her feet.

“I’m not crazy,” she insisted.

“No one said you were Wanda, but we do need to talk about what happened yesterday,” Steve replied. “You were just behaving erratic.”

“So?”

“Then there was the incident in the club. Wanda, are you sure you are feeling okay?”

"I feel like my head is running at light speed. I thought it was just my powers but…”

“I think we should see a doctor.”

“I don’t think I need a doctor. I’m fine. I just needed a day when I didn’t think about my brother, but I don’t think he liked that very much.”

“Can you see him now?”

“No.”

“Okay, but if you do something erratic again, I’m taking you straight to the doctor.”

Wanda nodded. She took a piece of toast and ate it on the way back to her room. In her shopping spree the previous day, she had bought a bottle of platinum blonde hair dye. Wanda looked at her hair and grabbed the box.

-o-

Steve hit the punchbag so hard he burst the bag open. He was worried about Wanda. He had seen this sort of behaviour before, back in the forties. Bucky’s mother went through stages where she was depressed or completely erratic. She had four children, all by different fathers which gave her a reputation of being loose. Later, she had been taken to a psychiatric facility and given a lobotomy. The last sight he remembered of her was after the lobotomy and she was in a vegetative state. Bucky had pretty much played father to Jacob, Louise and Ellie-May, until the authorities found out and took them all into care. The girls were adopted into different families while Jacob was among the first to die when the US entered the Second World War. It was one of Bucky’s greatest regrets. Steve had not known why Bucky’s mother was mentally ill. He guessed she just had a predisposition to it, or maybe it was the death of Bucky’s father triggered it.

Maybe Pietro’s death had triggered this erratic behaviour in Wanda.

Once he showered and changed, he went back to his room, only to find the door slightly ajar and when Steve opened the door, he found Wanda on the bed with badly dyed blonde hair and only wearing a bra and panties. At first, Steve seemed very startled by the sight of her. Then there was the hair, and finally how she had snuck into his room and removed her clothes. Now he was incredibly concerned. “Wanda,” he said softly.

“Do you like the hair?” she asked.

“Wanda, what are you doing?”

“I just thought this was something you wanted.”

“Wanda, put some clothes on please. We need to talk.”

Wanda stood up and looked down him. She could just about see he was slowly stiffening in his sweatpants. “You really sure you want to talk?” Her hand slipped into his sweatpants and she gripped him.

Before Steve could lose any sense of his judgement, he grabbed her wrist and removed her hand. Firmly, he insisted, “Wanda, please put on your clothes. We’re going to a doctor.”

-o-

Steve could not help but compare Wanda to a reluctant child as she sat on the hospital bed, waiting for a doctor to come over to look at her. Wanda could feel her skin crawling as she waited and tried to scratch the itch.

“Okay, what do we have here?” the doctor asked. 

“This is Wanda, she’s been behaving erratically the last couple of days,” Steve replied. “I’m thinking that this could be manic depression.” 

“We call it Bipolar Disorder nowadays. Any signs?” 

“She spent a lot of money on clothes, dyed her hair, tried to seduce me, had a hallucination and is speaking rapidly. I think she may be going through a manic episode.” 

“I can speak for myself Steve,” Wanda commented. 

“Well, Wanda, why don’t you tell me how you feel?” the doctor asked. “I can see you are very irritable.” 

“I feel like something is crawling in my skin. I feel like my thoughts fly by me like rockets and that I have so many ideas that I don’t know how to process them. My heart feels like it’s going to burst out my chest, you know, like that film with the alien.” 

The doctor looked at Steve and pulled him aside. “I’m going to get a psych consult to confirm the diagnosis, but you might be right to suspect she is bipolar. A lot of what you and her described is symptoms of mania. Has she had the low yet?” 

“It’s hard to tell. She lost her brother not long ago.” 

“I’ll get the psych and we’ll see which course to stabilise her moods.” 

Steve nodded and turned back to Wanda, who was still scratching her skin. He really hoped that this would nip it in the bud sooner. 

Later, Tony asked, “So what they give her?”

“Lithium carbonate and sedatives. It should stabilise her mood swings,” Steve replied. 

“Nice catch Rogers.” 

“I think we just need to watch her. I’m not convinced she knows she’s not well. Someone may have to watch her take her meds.” 

Steve looked over at Wanda, who was sleeping on the other sofa. He gave a small smile because he could see that she looked peaceful for once. How long it would last was the next question in his head. 

-o-

Over the next week, everyone tried to pitch in to support Wanda. Pepper had set up a board which showed a daily routine for a week. Wanda had filled it mostly with two words: pills and sleep. Natasha and Tony had bought a whole new sets of books for her to keep her occupied and she was working through the first one, _Looking for Alaska_. Steve ensured she took her medication, eating and sleeping right. She was still fairly erratic, but it was put down to the medication slowly kicking in.

Yet just as Wanda seemed to be getting better, she secretly began to protest. She deceptively hid the pill under her tongue and spat it out when Steve was not looking. She just was convinced she was fine and that here mood was just a natural reaction to the death of her brother. Just because she was grieving still, it did not mean she was insane, diagnosis or no diagnosis.

It had gotten to the point where Wanda snuck out in a small dress to a nightclub. Using Tony’s credit card, she bought a multitude of drinks for herself and men who talked to her, including a hundred dollar bottle of champagne. She could sense they were flirting with her, but Wanda was not quite responding the way they wanted. Sexually, she just was not interested in them. It was bizarre, as she was told that hyper sexuality was a symptom of an episode of mania, but she just did not to have sex with them.

“Come on sweetheart, how about you and I, go into the bathroom, and I take you from behind?” this one guy whispered slimily into her ear. He was very close to her and Wanda was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

“Can… Can…” Wanda found she couldn’t talk. Her head was so fried that she could not figure the words. All of a sudden, he slammed his mouth against hers and Wanda could taste cigarette smoke. She felt as though it was choking her and she tried to pull away but the guy seemed insistent that she keep kissing him. He was stronger than she was.

All of a sudden, he stopped kissing her and then Wanda heard him groaned hard. Her eyes opened to see the guy’s face bloody and Steve grabbing her wrist. She could not tell if he looked angry at her or the man but as he pulled her away from the bar, the champagne bottle in hand, Wanda could sense he was mad at her. In the car, Steve was quiet. Wanda bit her lip and tapped her foot.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Wanda, have you been taking your pills?” he asked.

“I’ve been spitting them out.”

“Why?”

“I’m not bipolar. I’m just grieving.”

“I’ve seen this before Wanda. I know what Bipolar Disorder looks like. The doctor said you had it, the psychiatrist said you had it. Wanda, you are bipolar!” He did not mean to shout, but Wanda’s face broke his heart a little. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I don’t want to see you hurt and your manic mood is probably going to get worse if you don’t take your meds.”

They arrived back at the Tower and Steve took her to the kitchen to cook her something. Wanda looked at the champagne bottle and started to unwrap the top. She popped the cork on the bottle, walked over to the sink and poured the liquid down the drain.

“Wanda?” Steve asked as he watched her.

“What if I smashed the bottle and cut myself?”

“Then I would have to take you to hospital. Please don’t.”

“It might be better if I was gone. I would be with Pietro and no one would have to worry about me.” Wanda put the bottle down, and turned around. “That scares me a little.”

Steve put his hand on her shoulder. “Maybe that could be a good thing.”

“How?”

“If it scares you, then maybe it means you realise there is something wrong.”

“You know what scares me, the fact that I can see a little girl behind you and I have been seeing her a lot the last few days.” Steve looked behind him and could see no girl standing there. “She called me ‘Mum’ the other day. She looks like you. She has your hair, your eyes. Can you see her? Our little girl.”

“I can’t, Wanda. She’s not there.” Wanda ran past him and Steve followed her to the balcony. Wanda climbed onto the ledge. “Wanda!”

“That poster. It keeps staring at me.”

 Steve looked at the poster and he looked even more confused than he was already. “It’s just eyes, Wanda, they’re not looking at you. It’s a picture.”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” she screamed.

“Wanda, listen to me, please come down. You're scaring me now.”

Wanda looked down to the ground. It would be a long fall down to the floor. “I wonder if it feels like flying.” She gently lifted her foot and waved it over the edge. The thoughts raced in her head and she put her foot down on the ledge. “Steve, would you really care if I was dead?”

“I would. Honestly. Now please come down.” Steve offered his hand to her. Wanda looked at him and took his hand apprehensively. Steve helped her down from the ledge and engulfed her in a hug. He could feel dampness on his shirt as Wanda sobbed into it. He stroked her hair, soothing her by whispering, “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Wanda lifted her head up, and cupped Steve’s face. Gently, she pressed her lips against his. Steve reciprocated and then softly pulled back. Wanda was trembling and a breath hitched in her throat. “I think I need help. I need to stop seeing things. I’m scared.”

“I know.”

“Take me to the hospital please.”

“You sure?”

Wanda nodded.

-o-

_One month later_

“She’s doing well,” the psychiatric nurse told Steve as he was led to Wanda’s room in the psych unit. “She has had not had a mood swing since we put her on her meds and she is willing to take her medication.”

“Good,” Steve replied. He was relieved that Wanda was getting better, especially since she volunteered to be sectioned. He made sure to visit every other day with a new book for her to read. With not much to do, she had found a lot of time for reading. “Do you think she is ready to go home?”

“I think she is well enough to go home today. So long as she takes her meds and continues to go counselling.” The nurse knocked on the door and opened it. Wanda was sitting on the bed with a book in her hands. She looked up and smiled at Steve. “You ready to go home Wanda?”

Wanda nodded and jumped off the bed. Steve grabbed her suitcase and put his arm around Wanda. “You happy to come home?”

“Of course I am,” she replied. She sounded so much calmer than she had been. Her thoughts seemed clearer and she was not having hallucinations. So long as she took her medication, she seemed to be on the mend. She even had dyed her hair back to the brunette colour it was. “You haven’t organised a party have you?”

“No, but you do have welcome home banner.”

Wanda smiled. Once they were back at the Tower, Wanda looked up at the billboard, seeing it had been replaced with an advert for a doll. She looked back and shrugged off the poster. Once inside, Wanda saw the welcome home banner and grinned. It was nice to know they all cared for her, even after the chaos she had caused.

“Hey, you’re back,” Natasha commented. “Still seeing things?”

“No,” Wanda answered proudly. She walked onto the balcony and breathed in the air. Being coped up in the hospital had made her long to feel the sun on her face. Steve had joined her and she laced her fingers with his. “You know, when I was ill, I never wanted to sleep with that guy. It was strange because I thought that having too much sex was a sign but I never wanted to.”

“So what about that incident in my room?”

“I don’t know, but when I kissed you, you kissed back.”

Steve’s lips curved into a small smile. “I don’t know why I did it.”

“I know why I did. You remember the first night I was here and you made sure I was not alone in how I felt? You told me about your friend and feeling isolated, and maybe we connected in some way that night, and maybe that’s why I felt sexually attracted to you and you only. This is not just sex I want. I want all of you. I know if you don’t feel the same, then it’s okay.”

Steve brushed a stray hair from her eyes and cupped her face. “Well, the first thing we can do is go on a date. Dinner or dancing, you choose.”

“Both would be lovely.”


End file.
